Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
