She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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