I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
