i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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