I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
