Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
