she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
