she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
