Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
