if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
