Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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