He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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