he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
