you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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