long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize