Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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