My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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