false alarm. still invincible.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize