I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
