The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
