do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
