My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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