Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
