i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
