My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
