I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize