Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
