You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize