just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
