making cat noises will not fix the situation.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
