you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
