I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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