If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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