I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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