haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
