nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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