Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
