I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
