I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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