No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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