I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
