oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
