So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
