When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
