This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
