What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
