Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
