one might say we're banned from that church
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
