Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
