don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
