Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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