Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
