dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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