I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
