so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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