You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Umm I'm too high to move.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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