I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
