He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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