Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
