hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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