I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize