At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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