I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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