We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
