This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
